the music city.

I've been living in Nashville for 2 months (tomorrow). And this city is everything I wanted it to be and more than what I'd hoped for. I'd lived here previously, so I didn't take much adjusting. Probably the most adjusting I've had to do so far was when I first got here, I was scrambling to see all of my friends. It was so ingrained in me that I would only be here for less than 24 hours that when people couldn't hang out, I was getting upset. When I was unpacking and setting up my room, I kept thinking "this is CRAZY. Why did I bring all of this stuff with me? I'm leaving, like, TOMORROW. Pack all of this back up." It was like I was forcing myself to unpack. Unpacking all of those familiar things and placing them in such foreign places, despite being different, it was extremely comfortable. My comfort level in this city amazes me. Yeah, it feels like home. Actually, in reality, it always did.

ramblings

I've been trying to write for 15 minutes everyday. It was an exercise we got into when I was in junior high, and it helped. A lot. It's healthy to have a stream of consciousness and write anything without fear of being judged. It's writing without a filter. This notebook isn't a personal journal, so I have no hesitancy in posting this. But I'd love to hear your thoughts on it and how much farther this can be taken.

(from 7.10.10)

I wonder what it'd be like to live on some other plane of existence, but I knew and remembered about my time here on this one. Maybe a universe where everybody's knees bent the other direction. Or music was a completely different entity -- or what if it didn't ever exist/wasn't invented? How much would that change an entire NATION/universe of people's lives? Holy SHIT. Expression would completely change. Art would change. What would their music sound like without the influence of previous artists? What would their very first song sound like? Could you teach them music without influencing them towards a certain style? How would they figure out rhythm or scales or tone or pitch or meter? Somebody would teach them, but what would it be like to watch that process unfold? Explaining something as common and diverse and complex as music to a person who has never heard it -- what would it be like? Or explaining any other idea/concept? It's wicked.

How would you describe feelings or emotions? Scientifically or artistically? I wouldn't be able to explain with words. I'd have to take what little talent I had and paint it. Or play a song. But not everyone has the same reaction to the same song.

I wonder if people, had they never heard of music, if they were wondering if they were missing out on something?

timing love.

I just watched the movie Timer last night with Emma Caulfield. A good friend recommended it to me over the summer, and it was well worth the watch.

Timer presents the idea of having a guaranteed true love. The characters have timers installed on their wrists that will tell them exactly when they will meet their "one". It's beautifully written, charming and honest.

After I had watched it, I kept thinking about it. I was up for awhile thinking about it actually. Wondering: Would I want to know? and What would I do if I did know?

The only two options I see in front of me would be to either 1) wait around or 2) live it up (because you know that no matter what you do, you'll have somebody, there's no guessing).

If I went with the first option, life would begin to lose it's zest and the reasons that life is so...live-able. It's the balance between heartache and romance and tears and laughter that make living worth it.

You could make yourself a better [prepared] person for spending the rest of your life with someone else, but the way these people were conditioned to think because of the timers, when your timer went off, you were meant to be. So people really took you as you were. There was no need to self-improve, no need to change to please a person or to adapt to that person.

In a way, it really takes away the "growing up" part of life. You're supposed to get hurt. How are you supposed to know what all the good things in life are without experiencing the bad? Life is balance, and you take one of those elements away, and suddenly everything is out of sync.

Not only will life lose it's zest, love songs would change. There wouldn't be a pining for anybody, you know they're there. It's just a matter of when your timer runs out.

There's always the notion of that comfort, knowing you're not alone and you'll eventually meet them. But for what? You bypass any and all other experiences that come your way because of something ticking on your wrist? Emma Caulfield's character, Oona, begins to lose hope when her timer has yet to turn on. So she looks for love outside of the schedule. And finds it. It breaks her heart, it makes her question things and wrestle with emotions she's never dealt with before. It's not until her timer actually turns on, that she realizes that she doesn't know anything outside of the "love schedule."

How incredibly frustrating is that? You would essentially spend your entire life waiting. Yeah, waiting for a surefire guarantee, but I don't know...I can't sit around. I get restless and antsy. I want experiences out of life, even if it gets me hurt. I'll take it all if it means living the most that I can.

"Living it up" is always an option. Her sister, Steph, does it. But she finds nothing in it. I don't find it appealing. Actually, I don't find either option appealing.

And there's different types of love. You can meet someone and immediately know or you can be friends and it'll "blossom into love". Love is it's own monster, I feel like you can't make it work to a scientific schedule. Or you shouldn't make it work to a scientific schedule. Forcing something out of anything is never right, and it's never the way to go. What if the timers were just self-fulfilling prophecies? You can choose a different path. You can go somewhere else. You can go where you want. You can do what you want. Living life to such a constraining lifestyle would be hell.

What do you think? Would you want to know? What would you do?

It's a nice gesture, these timers, but I prefer the mystery.

i'm not terribly great at poetry. but i wrote this yesterday. thoughts?

you need to know me

i need you, somebody, to know me

i have so many secrets that i want to share

so much of my soul that i want to bare

mustering up the courage to show you my heart (nobody's claimed it yet)

i'm not entirely sure anybody's wanted it

see, i haven't been careless, and i've tried being bold

but it's time to jump all in

head first.

whoever you are, let's do this.